Well, here I am. Genesis has been tugging at me for quite a
while to join her on the blog and start writing my feelings and thoughts. We felt like maybe a whole new blog theme and
feel might be appropriate, so we are changing things up a bit. With that in mind, I am very excited to share
some of my feelings as we are being tried and tested through this journey in
finding our forever family. Seeing
Angelica leave our home for a possible future full of uncertainty and doubt was
almost more than I could handle. As her
father for six wonderful months I felt the inner need to protect her and fight
for the opportunity to raise her. Wouldn't God want such a precious soul to be given to a family that has been waiting,
wishing, and willing the heavens for such a child. Does God hear our prayers? A question that is sure to have crossed every
single mind a few times. Can we really
expect a mother full of insecurities, dependencies, doubts, and failings to
raise a daughter of God? Does it even
seem logical to have her try? These
questions and many others have gone through my mind as I have my own inward
battle of grief and loss. We prayed that
God would look over this child. We have
had so many wonderful friends and family pray and fast for the success and
welfare of Angelica. We asked that she
might be raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ so she could know of her Savior
and know of her Heavenly Father. At the
moment we think no way, not possible now…but wait… What if the very purposes for having Angelica
placed in our lives was so that we could love this mother completely, and give
her the gospel that she might give it to this little girl? In our sometimes selfish and short-sighted
view on life we often miss the lesson.
Could it be that we were given Angelica for a brief moment so that we
could really learn to love? Can we learn to put aside our feelings for
gratification and security and look outside of ourselves? Does a mother who has suffered so much in
this life really deserve to be childless?
One might say, “She brought it on herself through poor decisions.” I say
that we cannot know others struggles without walking in their shoes. When Abraham Lincoln’s wife and others were
complaining about slavery and the south Abraham said, “Do not criticize them,
they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.” May we not judge
and condemn as outsiders not having the full array of facts and experiences that
might explain why certain decisions have been made. As we look at so many mothers that might not
fully embrace the opportunity to raise children we have a mother fighting tooth
and nail to be given the chance. She
absolutely loves Angelica and that is a blessing from God. I can say that through this wonderful foster
care experience I have learned how to open up my heart to people that I
otherwise never would've known. God is
building within Genesis and me a strong desire for change, and a willingness to
go to the ends of the earth to find our forever family. We will find our children no doubt about it, and
we can’t wait to share the journey!
Your friend,
Jason
Your friend,
Jason
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