My first post about our infertility journey. We have faith and never stop believing. I will get pregnant must not give up hope. This is our year 2011!

I wanted to begin fresh and new with this blog and make it a point to be more authentic and open about what is going on with us and our struggles with infertility. Blogging for me is going to be me writing to God, not so much about trying to get the attention of other people. I am going to try and write as if I am talking to God because if nobody comments, stops by, or even blinks at my blog I still know that my creator and my friend cares about my thoughts, dreams, fears, failures, and loves me with an unfailing love! With that said; Where to begin? Let's see... It all began as a little girl really, ever since I could remember I wanted to be a mom and God did bless me with my miracle Elijah. Although he is not my biological son he is my soul son- I will share more about him very soon. I dreamed of having a big family all gathered around the thanksgiving table smiling, laughing, and enjoying every moment with my family. I only had one brother and I knew without a doubt I wanted more children. As many of you know, or will find out, life doesn't always give us what we want but what we need... and that is where my journey begins: With God showing me what I really needed!

My fertility story could go on and on so I am going to make a long story short by saying that God has decided not to give us a child yet... It does not mean he will not but it just might mean he wants me to learn something first. What he has given me is a new found revelation of suffering, a patient heart, a giving spirit, and a renewed faith in his faithfulness to see me through dark times. I could never say enough about what the lord has given Jason and I through this journey, but it is nothing short of a miracle. In all reality a situation like this really breaks down marriages. Couples end in divorce due to heartache and hurt with one another, but this has made us stronger. Jason and I lean upon each other, we laugh together, we cry when it doesn't work, well I cry at least. We hold each other console one another. We dream about having more children for our little guy. Hoping for another miracle. My fertility journey is not so much a fertility journey but more a journey towards finding out who we are as a family and how we are going to serve God. There have been some tough days, days when I never think the tears are ever going to stop flowing ... I've begun to appreciate those tears because I finally see the good work that is happening behind them. We do have our miracle. We were blessed with our son. If it was never a journey to get pregnant we would have never adopted our son. He is the light of our lives.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126.5

I hold this scripture close to my heart. When my eyes are swollen from pouring out tears to the Lord, I know in the end those tears will be joy! It's just a matter of time. Hallelujah! (That is me rejoicing haha).

As of right now we went to the doc's to get checked. My tubes were not blocked yay!!! Also I have plenty of eggs. The Doctor did not check to see if I had endometriosis, however, she said if I did that would not effect the insemination so we did not bother to get it checked. Mr.Sterzer has low sperm count which is why we are doing insem. We are working on improving his count the best we can. We are eating healthy, drinking plenty of fluids, etc. We went in for our first insemination and it failed. I was on 50mg of Clomid. To explain what Clomid is it is a fertility drug which is suppose to induce ovulation if a woman is not ovulating, and this hormone can increase the amount of eggs that drop. We are praying and hoping for twins since this is not an easy task for us. The doctor says it is very rare for someone to get pregnant on the first try. I found out that I am not pregnant so we are going to begin are journey once again hoping for another miracle through pregnancy or whatever the lord blesses us with. Since I ovulated last month and I got a smiley face when taking my ovulation test the Doctor said to stay on 50mg. So we will see how this month looks. I will do my best to get this updated. I feel it is a great source for me to let out my feelings, I enjoy writing I always have. This is a great way for us to grow and learn and look back. I have a lot on my mind so I have plenty to share.

Glad you stopped by to read my story, and I hope that if you are facing infertility that my journey provides you with some comfort and encouragement to know that someone is in your exact same shoes. Just remember that even though it seems like there is no end in sight the end of the journey may be just around the corner, and if you don't keep going you may never know it's there. Keep the faith! Keep on believing. God be with you!

Genesis