WOW what an amazing experience!

After posting my blog this morning and rereading my blog it sure made me cry a lot, I was in a very different place at the time. I realized I was still heartbroken and weak from this whole situation and the way I looked was like I had been hit by a freight train…Lol... :) No really though, I had not fully felt reassured like I do now.  As I arrived at my sons school to pick him up, I start to breakdown in the car and I begin to cry again, I cannot help but be like come on really again… I was hurt and devastated, I prayed to the Lord and I said Lord, please help me give me comfort, and  I need to be strong, I cannot cry anymore, I don’t want to cry! I need to be strong for my Son, so please help me get through this!! Then just moments after my prayer a miracle took place... 

Let’s just say that God is real and this was not by coincidence this was because God, heard my prayers. :) A real good friend of mine shall I say another Mother helped me through this… She called and said what is going on?? You’re supposed to call me, when you’re going through a hard time…  I proceeded to tell her I seemed to avoid people when I am going through a hard time, I try to get through it, the best I know how and I don’t want to cry. She proceeds I am here for you and you can get through this… I start to cry and say no, stop I can’t talk right now I just got done crying and I have to go pick up my boy from school! Thank goodness for the shades to block the tears from my eyes, not that you couldn't tell from my red nose and rosy cheeks. Maybe someone thought I was sun burnt ha-ha… Anyways back to my story, I decided to go over to her house and talk it out with her. When I arrived I just broke down and cried hysterically and I said I cannot do this it is too hard. She said to me, I know I wish I could take your pain away…  I said no one should have to go through this. Why me?!?! Why am I going through this…? Why did I choose this, and what does God want me to learn?

 

As we proceeded into the house she begins to tell me how proud of me she is and how strong I am and my faith is amazing! She said this is not over yet. I began to think to myself, how I am going to get through these next two days and then give her back and get than get through life. Without crying, I felt that I needed to still be a part of this girl’s life, I just didn't know if I was strong enough to do it. I got some encouraging words from a good friend of mine; a long time ago she was going through my hard trial with me and we were an example to them we made it through some rough patches, and we stayed with her in LA and we were lead to adopt our son… Little did we know that 5 years later she went through what I am going through now, she was able to give me words of encouragement and comfort. We have been strength to each other, it is amazing how the lord works and puts people in your life to lift you up, and help you and they understand exactly what you are going through. So I began to speak the words and answers to my sweet dear friend/ Mother and explain to her what I was going through and the answers I needed came to me. I realized what I needed to do.

When this first started we just wanted the baby and we wanted what was best for her. We did not care for the birth parents because we did not know them. All we knew is from what we heard and read and why sweet pea got taken away. Little by little visit, after visit time grew and we came to love and truly care for them. We wanted them to succeed and selfishly we wanted to adopt this little girl. We saw her in our family and believed the best for her was with us. The way it was going in the beginning was as if it was going to come to pass. I realize now after 3 days of heartbreak and crying emotionally and not being able to contain myself without crying. I realized what I needed to learn today, and why God chose me! I learned how to truly care and love someone so much! If we adopted sweet pea we never would have grown, as much as we have today. Especially this opportunity we would not have been able to grow from this. God wants us to grow!   I believe that he has amazing plans for my husband and I and he needs to test us, so he can use us. What a great way to test us and see how we would react to a situation like this. We could have been bitter, but we chose to be happy, after much prayer. Even though I wanted to adopt sweet pea all along I feel this was not about me, and she was not sent to our family for that purpose. I thought it was but I came to realize it wasn't if I am wrong the lord will show me in the end. For now I will not worry or think about it. It's in his hands and I will let his will be done. He can do whatever he wants to do with it. I feel this was about them, I was given this opportunity to grow my love and serve them, and I was able to be a light to them! I realized that I needed to stay apart of their lives, to help through everything.  

I need to be the light that they need! I needed to share unconditional love that is what the Savior would do. It is not over it is just the beginning to a fresh new start, and to a beautiful new relationship. I loved the words the BM told me today… She said to me, Angel needs you to be a part of her life. You’re going to see her grow up and be a part of her life forever! I cannot thank you enough, words cannot express how much gratitude I have for you and you taught her things that I couldn't have at the time. I realized this is an answer to prayer and the realization that I came to that I needed to be a part of her life earlier was right, and the feelings were true. That is the reason why I stopped crying. I needed to be a part of their lives and when I realized all of this; the pain did not hurt so badly. I feel at peace, shall I say the least. I know there was a bigger purpose to all of this and the Lord knew that I would come to this conclusion and get through it. It could have been that the only reason she was suppose to come to our family is because maybe I was the only one that would come to this conclusion and set all feelings aside and truly love and care and want the best for them. Because this was not about me and my wants all along and  maybe this is the only way, and possible chance I could bring God into their lives and teach them about him, and explain my story how I found him. Maybe this was the only way I could teach the BM about her worth and who she is and their is more to this life. I know the lord has a greater purpose, and he is amazing! So I say I stand on top of the world now. Because I know what I know, and that there is a God and HE is real! I can testify that a miracle happened today and instead of being sad. I can say, I feel at peace. 

I know that my life is not over and our children are coming. I feel it is my purpose now to help the BM and root her on for her successes, and lift her up and I wish her tons of success and I feel that she needs an example to see and I feel I can share with her that  I was in a very hard dark place at one point, I changed my life around and she can too! She can do this! I can too, who knew that a little girl would bring us together to create one big family! I feel this is my purpose and his plan. All is well, and the Lords will let it be. The lord is amazing and I will miss every moment of this… I might have hard times, but I can always return to this post and read it. I will always cherish this moment. 

Now it is BM’s turn and I will be forever grateful, I had a chance to dress up a little girl, and call her my own and do all the girlie things you do with girls. Decorate her room oh I loved it!  I have grown to love people of all circumstances and situations. I have learned I would do the exact same thing if I were in their shoes and living the way they did.  I have grown in ways I never would have imagined! Maybe that is why I go through these trials, because the Lord knows, we can handle it and he always blesses us in ways we never would have imagined.

 

God loved us so much to bless us, with what we needed and we came out on top.  I Thank the Lord, for blessing us with these experiences they were for our good.

 

Who knew that I would learn what I learned today, and that it is not over and it is just the beginning to a fabulous 2013, I will help my little boy get through this he seems to have the hardest time… Before putting him to bed he said Mommy, can’t you just text her on your phone??? Tell her No, I want her to live with me forever!!  I want to keep her…L Bless his heart;  my poor boy thinks we are liars, because his wish did not come true. But this is a good experience for us all. That God knows what he is doing, and we may not understand now but we will in his own time and in his own way we just have to trust him and let go... He is going to bless us I know it. I know that the Lord knows my little boy, and he will bless him. 

His blessings are on their way just around the corner. I can’t wait.

P.s No matter what you go through your never alone and if you let God He will bring you through it and you will be stronger then you were and experience is the best teacher.:) Life is amazing I would not change my life for the world everything I go through is well worth what I learn.

 

Xo you all, Genesis

 

 

Sweetpea's BM