It is 05/22/2013 as I
am typing on my computer, I wonder wow where did the time go and it is really
here! Right now I am feeling pain, and sadness, which I knew might come! The past two nights have been the most
difficult as I cannot help but cry! I am so grateful for a strong husband to
lean upon I need him so much right now!!!
He is my strong hero, he lifts me up! … It’s funny I (CRIED) very hard
in the shower to my beloved Heavenly Father and just poured my heart out and it felt so good... I prayed, that I could learn
from this, and I wanted him to know that I still believe in HIM and the Savior,
and this would not tear me down! I knew
I was going to be stronger from this and I knew, that there was a reason we
went through this. I experienced a similar experience just like this adopting our son he was a Miracle and how the lord guided us to him was simply amazing and unbelievable.. It is my prayer that another miracle is on it's way.:) Because I know when one door closes another one opens...it just breaks my heart
to hear my poor little boy cry and be sad! Because he really wanted a little
sister, He prayed for her into our family and she came… He keeps asking Mommy,
can she come back please mommy!?! Like it is something I can control :(.. I wish I could take his pain away so he could be my happy boy, I just have to keep
telling him that the Lord is in control Elijah and he knows what he is doing.
Just hold onto faith and trust him. Our family will grow Elijah it’s not over. He is heartbroken and
it will take time to heal we tried our best to prepare him but when reality
hits it just does not work! He misses that little girl, they had an amazing
bond and he was so good to her, they loved each other so much!! Last night was her first sleepover she had with her BM and today I
will be picking her up to have the last two days with her! I had people wonder (why) I would paint a
little girls room when I knew that she was going to go?!?! Well first of all the Birth Mother rights
were going to be relinquished and we were going to be able to adopt her however
the Birth father showed up and she got an opportunity… Now BF is out of the picture and going to be
gone for a long time. She goes back with
BM… But you still wonder why would you
do everything even though it is not finalized?!? Why would you decorate her room, hang pictures
all over your home, and call her Sister? Well to tell you the truth I wanted to
live and enjoy every moment. I wanted to love her as my own. She deserved that
love, I had an opportunity to go into her room and feel like it was hers
because it belonged to her. That is where she slept... Even though she was a
baby I wanted her room complete. So I could live in the moment. I sang songs to
her every night about Jesus. I am hoping, that she remembers somehow someday the
songs that I sung to her. Wonders hmmm…
sound so familiar and I want to know more about GOD and about her Savior… I am so
grateful for every opportunity that we had to experience, what it was like to
have a little girl and our boy got to experience, what it was like to have a
little sister, Daddy got to experience what it was like to have a little girl
and the love that we all felt for Sweet pea . She will always have a special place
in all of our hearts. I am so glad I was able to experience and decorate what it was like to have a little girl’s room; I had a very kind loving supporting
husband that felt I should do that too. I am forever grateful I was able to experience
and be in the moment! I was able to grow in ways that I never would have
imagined! I got to raise a sweet baby girl from 3 days
old to 6months;
this gave me the opportunity to experience and to be able to buy her fancy
dresses, which I loved! I dressed her up,
and I took every opportunity to take pictures of her. It was worth having the opportunity to have
her and give her a safe place... I can truly say that I lived every moment, I experienced
it all. I enjoyed the blessing of having her in our home and making her a part
of our family. It felt so good, and so right, and perfect to live and raise her,
to enjoy every moment! I always wanted
to experience what it was like to have a baby girl and I got it. I am so
grateful even though it was for 6 months and very hard on our family and our
boy. I learned what our Heavenly Father must go through, when he sends his
children out to this world and his children have to leave his presence and hopes
that they will return back to him again. That they will find him… The pain he
must feel and the agony over a child leaving. But it must be done it must be… I
know that the lord is in control she might never return or she might I don’t
know. All I know is that this experience was for our good and he is going to look after her he has not forgotten her and knows the best place for her to be. We may not always understand and ask why? Or what do you want me to learn from this... But God knows and he says it is not over I have amazing plans for you just stay strong...
Well I can say we grew stronger
and we will never give up, we will always look forward with faith. Trusting that
God has an amazing plans and huge blessings just around the corner for our family!
God is anxiously
waiting to answer your prayers, and fulfill your dreams, but he can’t if you
don’t pray, and he can’t if you don’t dream, insure he can’t if you don’t
believe.
Jeffery R Holland.
It is my prayer for
this Birth Mother she has a third chance to make a difference and this is her
one and only chance! Please be all you
can be for this little girl! Stays
strong don’t fall! She needs you to think about her, and her life, and her well
being, and what is best for her... It is no longer about you and this is her chance
at starting out life! She needs you to be clean and sober; she needs you to
teach her all about life, and to prepare her for this world. She deserves the
very best! Teach her about making good choices, and who she is and why she is
here right now...… Teach her about God and about her Savior and that he lives
and loves her so much! Teach her that this world and life we live in has its challenges,
and even though life gets hard, we have someone Bigger to rely on and he can take our burdens from us
and make them light. Life is full of sorrow and happiness, and we must go through
hard times to appreciate the good times!
So please be all that you can be for her, and change your life! Take it serious, and be a good role model,
because in your Child's eyes you are her example she will do and follow your footsteps.
So please don’t ever forget God loves you! He is so proud of the steps and
changes you have made in your life; you deserve every opportunity to raise her
if you stay strong and clean. When life
gets tough you can rely on a higher power bigger than yourself and he will help you get
through this! Walk tall with your head
high and be proud that you’re getting clean, and changing your life!
You’re making every opportunity count to raise
this little girl! Because she deserves the world! So love this moment because it is so hard for
us to have children ,and how much we wish we could easily have children, but we
have to go through trials and heartbreaks, to get them here and we love that
little girl so much! So be everything in your power to be the difference that
this little girl needs.
Through this experience
we have learned that we want a big huge family, and we want to make a
difference in children’s lives… We will
never give up and from this we have learned that there are so many children out
there, that want a forever family and we want children. We will never give up
on them and we will fight through hard times and barriers to let them know we
love them unconditionally. To let them know that we care and dreamed about this… We now have a desire to adopt from Foster care
legally free and we would have never considered this, and our hearts would not have
ever turned towards foster care if we never would have accepted this opportunity with Sweet
Pea. We were just about to give up on our license until this opportunity came.
So here is to hope to a bigger family, Now through foster care we know we can grow our family... now we just need a very large
house hahah...! In the Lords time it will all
work out. I love my husband his words were… Because it has been so hard for us
to have children we wish we could catch that car giving away children for free come get them lol...I want you to know that we will have as many kids as we can
and we will adopt them, and our dream of having a big family will come. I love
that guy the lord blessed me so good and I am so grateful I get to go through
everything with my forever companion.
I will enjoy these
priceless memories. Thank you everyone, for all your love, and prayers, and your faith
for our family! We love all of you and appreciate you! Thank you and God bless
Love, Genesis
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